Living Beyond Breathing

I have to admit... I've been in a bit of a God rut lately. I don't really know what happened. But I've just felt really unmotivated lately. I haven't been reading scripture very much, and my prayer life is strained at best. It's been a couple weeks since the last time I've prayed and walked away not feeling like I was just talking to air. I hate feeling this way, and it's been bothering me all week. Then today, I was sitting at home listening to an old podcast of Awake, the young adults service I go to at home (email/skype/fbchat/call/text me if you want more info about it).The series they were on when this podcast was made is called, "Living Beyond Breathing", and it caught my attention because that's what I have been longing for.... to feel as if I am living to do something other than breathe, to do something other than just exist.

Now, I don't know this guy Anthony Patrovani, who was speaking that night. I wish I did. But, I do know that this guy is someone I am extremely thankful to call a Brother in Christ. His message, based on John 5:8 inspired me. It challenged me. It made me realize what my spiritual walk has been lacking. He said:

The things we are responsible for in our walk are not about religious duty. It’s about life and not religion. That’s what Jesus has come to give us. Life. Not a list of do’s and don’ts. It’s not a bunch of “Here it is, do this. Don’t do that.” It’s about life that He’s given us. And so when we approach the Word, for example, and we come together it should not be a burden. It shouldn’t be something that’s weighing us down. It ought to be something we approach and think, “This is going to give me strength.”

That's what I've been missing.... my walk isn't passionate anymore. It's not drawing anything out of God. I'm not walking away from it feeling encouraged, supported, or blessed in anyway. And it's because I have made it into something it's not. I made it into habit, into a religious routine. No wonder I don't have the desire to do it anymore... it's become nothing more than a chore. It's spiritual laundry that I've turned into a cycle - get cozy in bed, pray for an open mind, read a little bit, pray again for what I think I need, then repeat the next day. Why do I expect to get any sort of fulfillment from that?
My time with God should be me encountering God in whatever way He calls me to at that time, whether it be through reading Scripture, spending time in prayer, praising and worshiping Him for who he is, serving His people, or just being still before His throne and letting His presence surround me and fulfill me. And my time with God shouldn't be limited to just when I pull away in my room and say "Okay, now I'm making time for you." My time with God is my time living life in it's entirety.

Father,
Thank you so much for showing up today in an unexpected way. Thank you for every breath, God, and thank you for awakening the desire inside of me to do more than just that. God, show me your presence in the little mundane tasks of the day. Let me see your character, your love, your strength, your beauty, and your grace and let it fill me up so I can show it to others. God, give me back my passion for knowing you intimately. Don't let me be satisfied with just barely scratching the surface of You anymore. God, bring me to the nitty gritty. Bring me to the hard answers. Bring me to truth that I can stand on. Help me to be sensitive to the convictions that come from You, and help me to let everything else not matter.
I love you so much, Lord.