Legacy.

I am not an introspective person. By choice. A lot of the time, I don't want to think too deeply about myself, my character, my decisions, or my life because I'm way too scared that I'll be faced with something I don't like. Something I'm not proud of. Something other people could never like and would never want to be a part of.
Tonight at Fuse, James did his message about how to leave a legacy that glorifies God, and it made me think about what my own legacy would look like if I were to die tonight. The conclusion: I'd be leaving behind a legacy of one-sided friendships, poor financial decisions, impure relationships, and a lack of integrity and honesty. I definitely don't want that to be how I go down in the history books.
The part of tonight's message that hit me hardest was hearing that leaving an awesome legacy means getting over the fact that so far, my life has sucked.  It means owning up to what I've done and who I've been thus far and striving to be someone better. It means constantly doing self-checkups to make sure I'm acting in a way that glorifies the Lord. It means earnestlt seeking wisdom, guidance, clarity, and conviction from God -- and then acting on it! Psalm 139:23-24 says:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

This is part of my attempt at getting better, by growing my relationship with Christ. By being accountable to everyone in internetland for my convictions. By recalling my life as the joyful, exciting, passionate life it was intended to be.